The work is personal. I often hear that the strongest leaders in organizing spaces are those who are personally impacted and invested in the work. I even wrote about how I turned to organizing with NAPAWF-NYC as it provided an outlet for my energy and anger but also a community to process hurt and grief. That personal tie also leaves us open to mistreatment and sometimes abuse.
During my last year as a leader for NAPAWF-NYC, I was not employed full time. To fill that time and mental space, I doubled down my commitment to the chapter, specifically working on establishing and strengthening our infrastructure to bring on new leaders, to improve our bond and culture through the coming growing pains.
And I missed the signs of disrespect that came from the professional staff. The lack of care directed at volunteer leaders who were not paid and often had to care for other paying responsibilities and families and selves. I missed the sign of how the committee of volunteer leaders across the country tasked with planning the national conference was scolded if we expressed discontent. I missed the sign of how the professional staff would talk about diversifying our membership without actually paying attention to how their own demands on our time did not allow for people of different backgrounds to actually meaningfully join and engage with the chapter. I missed the sign of how one organizer’s eye-rolling and gaslighting of one leader was actually indicative of the true lack of respect held for the entire leadership team. I missed the sign of how rarely our strategy ideas and proposals remained our own or were encouraged.
By the time that my fellow leaders and I caught all of the signs and organized ourselves to demand better from the professional staff, we were in the middle of the spike of coronavirus cases in New York City and the uptick in racist attacks and sentiment towards Asians. Every leader was in flux professionally, geographically, and mentally. Our needs were starker and continued to go unrecognized while the professional staff was given more room and care. Instead of paying that forward, the professionals, the employees of the organization asked for more from the volunteers, the dues-paying members who took on this extra effort to lead the chapter and support the community for more, with hard deadlines, and little care or understanding.
But, again, the work was personal and the needs of our community were also more pressing so, despite side-stepping and hand-waving, we continued to pour ourselves into the spaces that needed filling.
I was proud when we pivoted as a team to respond to coronavirus and its impact on our members and community. We pivoted again to respond to the renewed calls to address police brutality. We rose to the challenge, always keeping an eye on our strengths, our role, and our responsibility in the community. We continued to grow our membership and bring new people into the fold. We checked in with each other and worked to find ways to support the community we love. And we were burning out.
Over those months, there were multiple instances of manipulation and gaslighting. Leaders were brought to tears as national staffers questioned their value and commitment and used guilt to coerce them beyond their boundaries. And despite hours-long calls to address these issues, the damaging practices of staff — the harm persists today.
I left the team in protest last summer. The staff created a facade of processes and issued demands that showed a lack of care for the leadership team that ran counter to everything that inspired me to join the organization and chapter in the first place. Their moves communicated that we were expendable and that they would make moves to protect and absolve their staff of all misbehavior no matter the impact on the community, the members, or us.
When I hear of all of the ways that absolutely nothing has changed for the better, I am most concerned for the new leaders rising to the challenge. When I hear of all the ways that the situation has instead worsened, I am livid that the professional staff refuses to self-examine how they are building and relying upon the very unjust and exploitative systems we are fighting against. When I see the “professionals” continually abusing the brilliant volunteers across multiple chapters who continue to give so much to the organization, the community, and the work, I am enraged that they are only gaining attention and funds.
